Times are a' changin

It's all go in Lloydo's life here in Bournemouth. Had you told me several weeks ago that these things would be happened I wouldn't even have been able to laugh in your face because I'd be on the floor corpsing.

Numero uno, I have stopped eating crisps. Good lord just writing that made my heart feel funny. Anyone who knows me well enough will understand how big of a deal this is. I don't just eat crisps. I live and breathe them. I think they are the greatest snack item of all time. One time I dreamt I had a bath in skips and ate my way out. It was basically porn. But I have stopped, I haven't bought any for some time now. There's a packet of Sensations under my desk that have been there for OVER 3 HOURS. I am a new woman.

Numero dos, Rachel II and I went to the gym. I spent so long on the treadmill that when the time came to move I was walking like we were playing charades and I'd got the moon landing. It was a bizarre sensation so I sat down for a long time and pretended to stretch. Really I was just coming to terms with the fact that I, Rachel Lloyd, had just exercised of my own free will. We also attempted the cross-trainers. That made me feel even more ridiculous than the unintentional Neil Armstrong impression. I haven't been back yet but, here's the thing, I plan to. Secretly I quite enjoyed the whole experience and since I've cut down on the one thing that was probably going to kill me, I figure a little exercise will do just the trick to get my heart's age down from about 80 to 18.

Numero tres (spanish is holding up well here) I joined The Rock, our University newspaper. I'm on the News design team which meant today I spent nearly 9 hours in front of a Mac clicking about. I. was. in. heaven. I am to clicking a mouse as clicking a mouse is, to, err, Lenny. Oh ho what a topical joke. Some people go white water rafting, or make model aeroplanes or solve equations because they love the challenge of it all. This is how I feel about text boxes. And lines that don't match up. Good god the intense satisfaction when you've zoomed in to 1 pixel and you can spot the error, ISN'T IT JOYOUS?!

Numero quatro, I got another tattoo. That was nice.

Numero cinco, actually I've run out of mildly interesting topics and unless you want to hear about how I found a really decent deal on plastic wallets in Asda I think I'll leave it there.


Music and Matchmakers

This weekend, I had a little break from uni. It was so nice to get away from the same two rooms I've been in for the past month. I am too knackered to think in coherent paragraphs, so this blog will take the form of bulleted things I've learnt over the past 3 days.
  • spicy chinese beef is really damn tasty.
  • when in the bath, it is advisable to select music which will promote a good image of you to anyone overhearing it. For example, 'baby got back' is an excruciatingly long song to listen to when you know people are outside the door, judging you. 'Drop it like it's hot' is also less appropriate when those outside include an 11 year old.
  • matchmakers should be required food for every bathtime, though soap must be shaken off before touching or the next few may taste of Moroccan rose and orange blossom or whatever that shit was.
  • London has its transport system absolutely down, like, srsly well done u guyz.
  • The following things will never get old in aquariums:
    - humming the jaws theme tune when observing the shark tank
    - doing fish voice overs in the style of their appearance. (crabs are always french)
    - smiling back at stingrays
  • I am not above a sharp elbow to the face of small children when there are giant turtles to be seen
  • McDonald's is king
  • The Wizard of Oz is a complete LIE
  • Wicked reveals everything, you will question your whole existence.
  • Some people are really bloody ridiculously talented, and when they turn out to be really bloody ridiculously lovely as well, it's a kick in the crotch.
  • I like egg
That pretty much sums up my weekend. If you have any further questions you should probably go outside and stare at the sun until you go blind because that will be more productive than learning more about my dull life.

Below is a collection of pictures that won't go next to each other so scroll away bitches

landan baby

you came to the wrong neighbourhood

bein all starin nd dat

'(anything in an elderly chinese accent)'

I quite like london really

The Wicked stage and err a dragon that's not really in the
story but it blows smoke and shit


Have become so lethargic I can't even think of a title

But haven't posted for a while because I've been...wait for it...no seriously sit down or something...

...working. Sort of.

So far I have written more to-do lists than at any other time in my life, read books with dictionaries on side in order to understand what the hell is going on, and stress eaten a small elephant's body weight in crisps. In fact I'm not entirely sure it's even worth working on my assignments, because I'm pretty certain within the next few days my heart will explode. 

But I yolo on, hoping it will all come together without me even noticing. I joined Nerve's (our student magazine) design team which was nice. In the first session we ate lollipops and listened to Seal. I think I'm in the right place. I'll also get the chance to do gig reviews which will make me cool, right? Of course it will. I did some washing, (had a moment of mild panic when I thought I'd put everything in the tumble dryer first but luckily there's only a 2 in 7 chance of that happening) downloaded an ice age app that will single handedly destroy my degree and caught up on Paul O'Grady. It's been a productive week.

This Friday I head off to stay with my cousin for the weekend. We're going to see Wicked! (That wasn't lame enthusiasm, that's literally what it's called, Wicked! Like Panic!...........atthedisco, which was always stupid.) It'll be nice to get a change of scenery, can't believe I've been here nearly a month now, christ. And do you know I haven't seen a single fly in that time? This thought struck me at 2am this morning, have they all just disappeared? Please, if you've seen a fly, contact me.

Nothing more to report, need to get back to reading McNae's Essential Law for Journalists. Oh the deep, deep joy of defamation law.

OH. And I'm joining the gym later
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha what am I like eh


The ones with hats are the best.

(Well. Have only just noticed that last post. Needless to say it wasn't me.)

Today I finally got round to starting my first assignment: interviewing the elderly about their earliest memories. I wandered around Bournemouth for a long time before eventually plucking up the courage to talk to someone, who knew I was so deathly afraid of strangers?!
A nice lady answered my questions, and I confessed that I had clocked an adorable, hat wearing, paper reading old man but was too nervous to interrupt him. 'Just do it! Honestly he'll just be happy to have someone to talk to!' was her response, and so, brimming with oap infused confidence, I went for it.

Half an hour and his entire life story later, and I was done. He was called Derek. Derek did not understand the concept of one early memory, but I was too interested to stop him. He lost an eye during the war. His father was the director of paramount. Derek, was awesome. I think interviewing old people is my new favourite thing.

I worry for a time when future journalism students face similar tasks, and all I can answer with is, 'well I spent a lot of time on the Internet really...' Derek flew planes in the war, I watched several seasons of cougar town in one summer. Derek started his own design business, I discovered that if you layer the cheese on nachos you really enhance the experience.

Turns out Derek has a house in Cyprus. Had he asked me to move there with him I think I may have said yes.


Quick update

I love life. Elliott Trapp is amazing I actually love him.

Harrison Holmes.

Harrison, Harrison Harrison Harrison. He is, it's universally agreed in flat 46, the best flatmate. And he's just started a blog, so you can all enjoy him too.

"I also guess it’s a place where I can just sit there not saying anything for a couple of weeks and not be called a ‘waste of a follow’ and essentially just do fuck all."
He literally said that.


Proper learnin' and that

Today, Dan made us draw around our hands and feet and then complained that we hadn't learnt anything in half an hour. I learnt something. Dan is pure mental.

SEVEN hours in uni today, thanks for breaking me in gently. First task for news is to find an OAP and interview them about their 'earliest memories'. Aka frighten a poor old lady half to death, bombard her with personal questions and then ask her to take some selfies for my article. Well, maybe I'll take the pictures. I think I'm going to ask the security guard who's crossword I finished the other night, he's old, and so nice...I think...Sambuca may have clouded my judgement. I think features is going to be my favourite unit, glad to have an opportunity to write something decent, something other than the drivel I've been boring you all with.*

Shorthand, however, is a little bitch. But essential to get anywhere apparently. I'm not convinced. I doubt Kerry Katona ever learnt it and she had a column in OK! so it can't be that sought after. But this OK! we're talking about. I'll power through, I've already learnt the alphabet and can write it without hesitation whilst listening to Hilary Duff's (oh so underrated) album, so I'm doing well, right?

No more to report really, did I tell you I cooked fishcakes? I'm not bad at putting stuff in an oven as it turns out. Below are a few pictures of my recent meals that I instagrammed the shit out of so they look fancy and stuff.

                                                                           Good, eh?

*lol jk I'm perfect.